The Importance of Routine
August is bumpy. For many, August is a transition between a looser summertime (social plans, vacations, kids off school, a more relaxed atmosphere at work) and a more predictable fall. That jump from summer mode to fall mode can be disorienting and a bit of a bummer as you move into a fall that is more rigid with routine. But “routine” doesn’t have to be a negative thing.
To me, “routine” is an intentional word. I define it as “the systems I put in place to live with ease.” Routines don’t make my life easy, but they provide a sense of ease for the stressful parts of my life. For example, if I am practicing a helpful sleep routine (i.e., going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting enough sleep), that helps me function better when my days are busy and chaotic. One of my intentions for after Labor Day is to adjust my schedule so that I have more recurring weekly appointments with my therapy clients, as opposed to scheduling ad hoc with them each week. This way, I’ll be able to predict how each weekday will go. I won’t have to think about it or constantly consult my calendar as I make plans outside of work. Ease.
What can you notice about your routines that can facilitate some ease if your life is stressful? Could you set a routine around meal planning, around a time of day (waking up or getting ready for bed), or something else? I’ve recently instituted a morning routine and I notice that when I choose to do it, I show up differently for the day. I feel more grounded, clear, and ready when I follow my routine as opposed to just waking up, jumping out of bed, and jumping into the day.
When you are out of routine, as is often the case during times of transition, you may notice that life feels a little harder. Maybe you become grumpy or anxious, or find yourself getting short with your family or friends. For myself, I tend to be slow to respond to texts or emails, I become less productive and less patient, and I let things slip or half-ass things I normally wouldn’t.
Being out of routine can make you sensitive. I like to think of it like a sunburn. When you get a really bad sunburn, everything hurts - walking, sitting down, showering - because the skin on your body is sensitive. When you’re out of routine it can be like having a sunburn, and it’s helpful to acknowledge to yourself, “Okay, I am feeling sensitive, and things (meetings, planning for dinner, responding to texts) might be a little harder.” In these times, offer yourself gentleness and compassion.
If you find yourself feeling anxious or irritable and don’t know why, I invite you to try to notice what you are out of routine with. Name the emotion you are feeling and try to figure out what might be causing it. Half of my job as a psychotherapist is to help my clients name what they are experiencing because there is so much relief in just knowing what is going on, without immediately trying to fix it.
I am grumpy.
I am irritable.
I am angry.
I am easily upset.
I am feeling needy.
I am feeling unclear.
I feel like a mess.
I feel overwhelmed.
Probably because...
I am out of routine with sleep.
I am out of routine with eating and food stuff.
I am out of routine with my schedule (e.g., summertime).
I am out of routine with my home (construction, renovation, guests).
I am out of routine with my medications.
I am out of routine because of sickness.
I am out of routine with money.
I am out of routine with physical movement.
I am out of routine because of grief (loss of someone special, job, relationship).
Naming what I feel in my body and mind, and identifying why, makes it immediately easier for me to be more compassionate and gentle with myself. I know that I am not going to be my best (productive, kind, patient), and it can also be helpful for the people in my life to know what’s going on so that they can manage expectations. I might say to my friends and family, “I am not okay right now. If possible, can you have different expectations of me?” or “Can you check on me, even though I might not be able to respond?”
Naming it can also help you realize what you’re going through might be temporary. Are you between prescription refills, is someone in your house sick, do you have family visiting for the weekend? These things are all temporary disruptions to your normal routine and can leave you feeling sensitive. Realizing that you will eventually get back to normal can help.
Creating routines for yourself and noticing how you’re feeling when you’re out of routine so that you can be gentle with yourself and ask for gentleness from others can bring you toward living a life with more ease (very long sentence). If you don’t know how to start or if it feels overwhelming, book a consultation to chat about how I can help. I offer virtual therapy sessions for Georgia residents and limited in-person therapy sessions in Brookhaven.
Avalon Psychotherapy offers online therapy in Georgia. We are also happy to offer individual relationship counseling, young adult therapy, life transitions therapy, and individual DBT therapy.