How to Set Yearly Intentions
One thing I’ve learned about intention-setting this year: it’s best done in March or April, not January. Recently, I was talking with a friend about how I will never set intentions in January again because I do not have the right energy for it at the beginning of the year. My friend, very insightfully, observed that spring is Mother Earth’s New Year. The flowers begin to bloom, baby animals are born. Spring is a time of birth. Winter is a time for hibernation, for rest and recovery. In January, we’re still in hibernation mode.
So next January, I intend to offer myself gentleness and validation around hibernating in the winter, and when Spring comes, then we can talk about setting intentions for the year.
Maybe you recognized that January wasn’t the best for intention setting before I did and haven’t set any for this year yet. As we pass the 1/3rd mark for 2024, I want to offer an opportunity for you to figure out what your approach to life between now and Spring 2025 looks like. Read on to find out how to set your intentions and keep them in mind throughout the year!
What is an intention?
When I say “intention,” I’m talking about something we can use as a compass, a general guide, for ourselves throughout the year, as opposed to something like a resolution, which tends to have a measured goal or outcome. An intention is much more fluid and flexible. It’s about listening to yourself to understand what you need and where you want to practice from.
My favorite way to describe an intention is as an “approach.” When I had my youngest kid, I told all my nurses that I didn’t have a birth plan, I had a birth approach. I told them “these are my hopes and intentions for how I want to approach the birth.” Having a plan seemed so rigid, like I was setting myself up for failure because babies are unpredictable. But if I went in with a more malleable approach, instead, and communicated that approach to the doctors, nurses, and my loved ones, we could adapt to any curveballs.
So an intention is like an approach: malleable, adaptable, and more of a guide for where you practice from in yourself, as opposed to a rigid plan that can fail if things don’t go a certain way.
How do you identify your intentions?
My answer to this is simple: you listen to yourself.
Simple’s not always easy, though, so let’s unpack that a little. If you’re in therapy, setting intentions is definitely something you can explore with your therapist. At my therapy practice in Atlanta, I try to create a safe and quiet space for my clients to listen and notice. We talk about what’s important to them, what they need or want, what would feel like a good way for them to approach the year. Then I invite them to really listen to themselves to decide on their intentions.
If you’re not in therapy, think about what it looks like for you to get quiet enough to listen to yourself. Breaking free from the noise and chatter of the world, or even of your thoughts, can look like many different things. For you, does it mean meditating? Spending an hour off of screens? Going for a mindful walk? Thinking out loud to one of your trusted people?
If you’re not sure, one place I recommend starting is by freewriting. Freewriting is putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and writing down everything that comes into your head, stream-of-consciousness style. Just start writing. Your words might be circular at first (e.g., “What do I need? I don’t know what I need. I am trying to figure out what I need. Maybe I can think of examples of things people need and that will help me figure out what I need…” and so on), but eventually I bet you’ll write yourself to a place of clarity - or at least a clear enough place to at least guess what might be a good intention for you. When my clients can’t land on what they need, I ask them to make their best guess, or to borrow what you know about what other people need and think about what that looks like for you.
Let me know if you need an intention-setting session. I am here to create a safe and quiet space for you to listen to yourself. Reach out today.
What does it look like to practice from your intentions?
In the past, I have practiced having three different words as my intentions for the year. One year, my words were “Rest, Prioritize, and Share.” Last year, my words were “Tenderness, Abundance, and Family.” This year, Amanda Marks and I led a meditation workshop to set intentions for the year, and that’s where I found my intentions for this year. First, I heard it in my body, and then a minute later, she said the word out loud, and I was like, “Whoa, I guess that’s it.” It was really affirming and reassuring. This year, my intention isn’t a word, but instead it’s a question that can serve as a guide and a compass to me: “What does this bring me?”
So how do I practice from that intention? Whenever I make plans or decisions, or go to say yes or no to something, I ask myself, what does this bring me? Does it bring me ease, excitement, joy, fulfillment, connection, creativity, inspiration? Do I feel energized? Or does this bring me stress, difficulty, frustration, resentment, resistance? Many times, it brings me both positive and negative feelings, and by asking myself the question, what does this bring me, I can identify what’s worth doing.
Here are two examples of how I incorporate my 2024 intention into my life:
Very often I take my kids to the park because we love exploring nature. These trips can be a bit stressful, because keeping track of small children at a park is stressful, parenting in general is stressful. But it also brings me ease, because being in nature and being near water brings me ease. Finding tadpoles and baby snapping turtles with my kids brings me joy, curiosity, interest, excitement, and fun. Sure, it’s messy, but life is messy. Maybe I am drained after these outings, but I also feel peaceful and full after a beautiful day.
Sometimes the negatives outweigh the positives. Most years I attend a national professional conference that is typically held out of state in June. When January rolled around, I had every intention of going to this conference. I was arranging childcare and researching travel options. But the more I put plans in place, the more overwhelmed, stressed out, and bitter I felt. I kept getting mad at all the logistics - the flights were expensive, they were at terrible hours, I was going to have to rent a car and drive for more than an hour once I got off the plane. Normally, I love going to this conference. It’s always a fun time, and I have been longing for a trip that involves an airplane, but the more headaches I experienced during the planning, the more I was like, “for what?”
I finally asked myself, “What does this bring me?” And I realized that if I went to the conference, it was going to be a very willful decision. “Willful” is a word we use in DBT therapy that can mean forcing your own agenda when it’s clearly not working. Instead of willfully forcing myself to continue on, I needed to regroup about the conference, traveling, and where I was putting my time and money. After I really listened to myself, coming from an approach of “what does this bring me?” I decided to let it go, to skip the conference this year. From that day forward, I felt so much ease. When I check back in with myself about it today, I still feel confident about that decision to listen and let it go.
How do you keep your intentions at top of mind?
A year is a long time to keep your mind on your intentions! Here are some ideas to help:
Share your intentions with people! Tell your therapist if you have one. Tell your partner or your best friend, or whoever you have in life that you feel safe sharing something vulnerable like that.
Consider inviting a buddy to set intentions with you. Your buddy is there to go on the journey with you; they’re there for connection, not accountability. (Bonus points if “connection” is one of your intentions!) Again, make sure it’s someone you feel safe and comfortable being vulnerable with in this way.
Make it visual! Craft something to represent your intentions, or create a vision board, something beautiful and inspiring to look at. If you’re not crafty, put it on a post-it note and post it on your desk, your bathroom mirror, your car dashboard. You can even make it the background of your phone! It doesn’t have to be fancy.
Remember: You can change your mind. If you notice that the intentions you set are not what you need, it’s perfectly okay to say, “I really thought what I needed this year was ‘focus,’ but actually I think it’s patience.” Keep asking yourself, what do I need? Where do I want to practice from? And if the answer changes throughout the year, that’s more than okay. You’re more likely to incorporate your intention into your life if it feels authentic to what you need.
Personally, I’ve been trying a new thing where I take two minutes to walk outside barefoot on my back deck. I offer myself a gentle, loving touch, stare into nature, and set an intention for the day. Lately, they’ve been different depending on the day and what I need, but if you’re new to intentions, just take your intention for the year and set it for the day.
Remember to be gentle and flexible with yourself, though. If you forget to think about your intention for a couple of weeks, or just don’t feel like it, that’s okay! I’ve definitely forgotten my intentions for multiple weeks. Eventually, I come back to it. Trust that your intention will come back to you when you need it. Encourage yourself to be open and willing to listen for when it does come back. Maybe things are too noisy for a while and you can’t listen to yourself or trust in yourself. Hopefully things will settle down or you can do what’s within your control to bring back the quiet, and remember your intention.
Examples of Intentions
Here are a few examples to get you started. Pick one and try it on for size! (A few of these were inspired by @morganharpernichols on Instagram, who has wonderful insight and who I highly recommend giving a follow)
Versatility
Integrate
Homecoming
Notice
Abundant
Refine
Courage
Delight
Loosen
Tranquility
Readiness
Self-love
Pace
Focus
Protect
Balance
Curiosity
Adventure
Evolve
Gratitude
Purposeful
Wholehearted
Authenticity
Prosperity
Laughter
Avalon Psychotherapy offers online therapy in Georgia. We are also happy to offer individual relationship counseling, young adult therapy, life transitions therapy, and individual DBT therapy.