A Compassionate Way to Cope with Anxiety
One concept I come back to time and again with my clients is that of “Regrouping.” It’s a concept that applies in so many situations. Whether you’re a college student considering if you should pause your enrollment, a professional deciding to change jobs, recently single and trying to figure out what you want next in a partner, or just a person dealing with intense emotions, you can likely benefit from regrouping.
Put simply, regrouping is pausing and asking yourself, “Have I changed my mind? Do I have different feelings about the things going on in my life than I did before?”
I love the concept of regrouping because I find it to be compassionate. When a client decides that it might be helpful to regroup, I gently invite them to check on their feelings about where they’re at now. I let them know it’s okay if they’ve changed their mind. A lot of times, we don’t realize that we are allowed to change our mind.
Many times when we go to family, friends, or others in our support system, for advice about a major decision or life transition, they give hard advice (e.g., “You should quit your job; you should break up with them, you should go back to school”), and it can be stressful to hear it. Even when we’re just thinking to ourselves about what to do, our inner critic, which can be harsh and relentless, can come out.
As a therapist, I don’t give advice, I don’t have an agenda or expectations for my clients, and I don’t have deadlines. I don’t believe we can go too slow in therapy. Agendas and expectations come with stress. Moving too fast can be harmful. Regrouping doesn’t have to mean jumping into action mode. Instead, I try to help you give voice to your compassionate self, and to give you permission, space, and time to think about what’s working for you and what isn’t.
When to Regroup
There are obvious times when it may be necessary to regroup, such as if you’re experiencing a life transition or are facing a major decision, but two main feelings to lookout for that may signal it’s time to regroup in other ways are Burnout and Resentment.
Feeling burnt out or feeling resentful (especially toward relationships in your life and jobs) can be a signal that something in your life isn’t working anymore. For example, maybe you used to be able to keep up a certain pace in your life that’s just not sustainable anymore. I used to go into the office every day, dressed nicely with a full face of makeup, see clients all day, then go to networking events, the gym, or out to socialize with friends. Eventually, I realized I was feeling burnt out, and once I took some time to regroup, I realized that a few things had changed in my life. I had kids, the pandemic happened - my priorities and the places I wanted to put my energy had shifted. The fast-paced lifestyle I was leading no longer served me, and regrouping allowed me to see I could change it. Now, don’t even say real pants to me, because it’s not happening!
How to Regroup
So you’ve noticed you’re feeling burnt out or resentful, or you’re experiencing a life transition or are about to make a major decision, and you’ve decided you need to regroup. But what does that look like?
Some resources may tell you that regrouping can mean making sweeping, potentially intimidating changes, such as “Get a hobby,” “Streamline your life” - but those are vague, overwhelming, and ultimately impractical solutions.
Instead, look at regrouping as a form of self care. Not the scented-candles-and-bubble-baths kind of self care, but the kind of self care that is about gently changing the things in your life that are no longer serving you. Maybe these changes and choices aren’t ones you would have made a year or two ago, aren’t “how it’s always been done,” or they aren’t what your friends or family would do. Regrouping helps you give yourself permission to make the changes that are best for you now.
I am very big on the word “permission” when it comes to regrouping. It can be hard or scary to know that we have permission to say no, to set a boundary, to view things differently than we did 10 years, 5 years, even just two years ago. Maybe you want to make a different parenting choice than your parents made with you, or even a different choice than the one you made with your first child. Regrouping is about determining what’s best for you, your family, and your mental health, and then giving yourself permission to make that choice.
Maybe the ways you used to cope with anxiety no longer work for your life. Maybe you moved away from the yoga class you used to take, or you no longer have time in your day because of a new job or kids, or you no longer have the money for it. Regrouping can help you figure out what serves you better for your lifestyle now. For example, I used to garden a lot. Getting your hands in the dirt is so therapeutic, and I loved watching the things I planted grow. But right now, with a husband, two kids, and my job - plus the scorching hot weather - gardening outside no longer works for me the way it used to. So when I regrouped to figure out what therapeutic activity could replace it, I found out about indoor gardening! I now have a hydroponic plant system in my kitchen where I grow herbs. I get to care for them, and every day my kids and I say, “Good morning, kitchen plants!”
If you find yourself needing to regroup, a therapist can help guide you through the process slowly, gently, and compassionately. Schedule a consultation call today so we can work together to figure out what will serve you best in your life now.
Avalon Psychotherapy offers online therapy in Georgia, and DBT group therapy. We are also happy to offer individual relationship counseling, young adult therapy, life transitions therapy, and individual DBT therapy.